Insecurities & Affirmations
by negotiate
Summary: Set after ACC, where Cloud and Tifa have a chance to actually have a normal talk about their family and themselves. Please R&R!


"Teef?"

"Hmm?"

Today was one of those days. The days where Cloud and Tifa had the whole bar to themselves. Tifa had already closed the bar for the day, and Cloud had finished his deliveries early. Barrett had taken the children, who were on spring break, to somewhere where they could "appreciate the beauty of the world", or so he said. She wasn't about to complain, though. It was nice to have some peace and quiet for awhile. Tifa was wiping the glasses, and Cloud was planning out his route for the deliveries for the next day. It was pretty much just like any other normal day.

Then again, today was also one of those days where Tifa wished Denzel and Marlene was around. When the kids were around, Cloud was visibly happier. He had been so melancholic today- his eyes dim, his face unsmiling. Tifa was used to that, though. What bothered her was how quiet he was today. Cloud hadn't spoken a word at all today, save for her name which he uttered earlier. Of course, she understood that Cloud still didn't like to talk much, so they usually communicated through glances and small nods. But it somehow seemed different, today. Cloud seemed to be avoiding her worried looks that she shot at him. It reminded her of how he had been before he left. A familiar feeling welled up inside of her. Her swirl of emotions contained a mix of fear, insecurity, sadness, and so much more.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

Tifa continued wiping the glasses, her back facing Cloud. He couldn't see it, but she had a small smile on her face. Cloud seemed to have returned to normal. "You're just being oversensitive," she told herself.

".. Do you love me?"

Tifa almost dropped the glass she was wiping. She could feel Cloud's gaze burning into her back. Setting the glass down slowly, Tifa turned to meet Cloud's gaze and gave him a wry smile.

"Of course I do, Cloud."

Cloud frowned a little, and Tifa knew that her calm facade hadn't managed to fool him. She was shaking inside. Why would he ask her such a question? It reminded her exactly of how.. normal he had been before he left. He'd asked her a few weird questions then as well, and now.. it was as if the memory was replaying again, for the second time.

Tifa was afraid. Afraid that he would leave her alone again. Afraid that he would once again break her. That time, when he left.. she acted as if it didn't bother her, as if she was okay with it, but there were times when her facade would crumble, and she would break down. Marlene, for one, knew of how lonely Tifa was, no matter how hard Tifa tried to deny it. And now, it seemed as if reality was threatening to have Tifa lose her own way again.

"Oh."

Cloud returned his attention to the map in front of him, and Tifa could feel her heart sinking. There was definitely something wrong today. Trying to take her mind off it, she turned back to the glasses and was dismayed when she found that she had already cleaned all of them. Even though she hadn't used them at all today, Tifa took up the kitchen knifes and began to wipe them.

"Teef?"

"Yes?"

"Aren't you going to.. ask me?"

"Ask you what?"

".. Whether or not I love you?"

A hiss escaped Tifa's lips. His question had startled her, and she had accidentally cut herself with the knife. The cut itself wasn't big, but it was deep, and fresh blood dripped out of it. Tifa stoned there, letting the pain of the wound wash over her, until she felt Cloud's presence behind her.

"Teef! Are you okay? Snap out of it! You've got to wash that cut, it's going to get infected."

Cloud grabbed her injured hand and began to wash it under the tap water. She shook her head. What exactly had she been doing? It was rare for her to get a cut, and even more rare that she had, even if it was just for a moment, forgot what she should have done in the event of an injury. After washing her wound, Cloud got a band-aid from the first aid kid and covered her cut.

"I'm okay, Cloud. You should get back to mapping your route tomorrow. It's getting late."

Either he hadn't heard her, or he pretended not to. Even as Tifa continued to wipe the glasses, she could feel Cloud watching her over her shoulder. Hopefully he would forget what he said earlier..

"So, are you going to ask me?"

.. Or not. Cloud was being unusually direct today, which even more confirmed Tifa's suspicion that he was about to leave. She winced a little inside even as she thought of the word 'leave'.

"I.." Tifa hesitated. She didn't want to say it. Tifa didn't want to hear his answer. She knew what it would be, anyway. She knew it herself. She would never be enough for Cloud. Even during the time when Cloud, Marlene and herself considered themselves a family, Tifa knew that it wasn't enough for Cloud. Yes, they were more of a family now, but.. she knew that it still wasn't enough for Cloud. Cloud needed Aerith in his life, and neither Tifa, Marlene, Denzel, nor all of them added together, were enough to amount for Aerith. Deep down inside, she knew that this would be his answer, but knowing it and hearing him say it himself were two different things. Tifa knew that if she heard him say it himself, her heart would shatter.

"Tifa."

It was then she knew that she couldn't run away anymore. Tifa took a deep breath. After hearing his predictable answer, Tifa would shut out all of these memories in a drawer in her mind, lock it, and focus on nothing else but making the bar a roaring success, and bringing the kids up. She always told people not to run away- and now, she had to make sure that she wasn't the one running away.

".. Do you love me, Cloud?"

She put down the knifes and willed herself to keep calm. Her heart was squeezed so tightly that she thought she would just collapse on the floor. It was as if her heart was preparing to shatter itself.

And then Cloud did something she would never have expected.

He put his arms around her waist and hugged her from the back so tightly it was as if he was afraid she would slip away any moment. Cloud rested his head on her left shoulder- enough for her to feel his presence there, but not in a way in which she would feel his weight on him. His blonde spikes brushed her face lightly as he breathed in the scent of her hair. Tifa's breath was caught in her chest. But why..

"Of course I do, Teef." She could feel the rumble of his voice on her back as he whispered into her ear. "I love you more than anything else in the world. Ever since we were 7.. I've loved you since then, and nothing has changed, but.."

Tifa knew what was to come. Yes, he had done something she had never expected, but the answer was still the same. She just wasn't enough for him.

".. I'm afraid that I might not be enough for you."

Disbelief coloured Tifa's face. She couldn't believe what he had just said. How could he not be enough for her? Despite all of the thoughts running through her mind, the only thing that managed to come out of her throat was a rather unarticulate "What?"

"I'm.. not good enough for you. I've done so many wrong things. I didn't manage to protect you, back in Nibelheim. When Aerith died, I didn't.. I couldn't do anything. You helped me back up, but I left you here.. How could I ever be good enough for you?"

Tifa sighed, turning herself in Cloud's arms such that she was now facing him. Tifa rested her palms on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat. She knew that she would have to give this all up soon, but just for now..

"Cloud.. it's the other way round. I'm not enough for you. I'll never be. I know that in your heart, Aerith has always been the one for you. That's why I.. I love you so much, so I want you to be happy, but.."

Tifa took a deep breath before continuing again. ".. But I.. I feel so afraid. I know that you're going to leave me soon. Everytime we have a talk like this, in the next few days, you're always gone. I know that you're going to go back to Aerith's church, and.."

Cloud's startled look only reaffirmed her conclusion. The tears began to roll down her face before Tifa could even stop them. She told him to go, but why was she so sad?

"It's just.. you always give me false hope before you leave, and then.. I don't know, Cloud. I'm not going to ask you to stay, because I know that you'd feel more at ease there. So.. I'll leave you to pack your things, Cloud. I'm going up to bed first."

With all the will she could muster, Tifa pushed Cloud away from her and made her way to the stairs. Her heart was killing her, and she couldn't believe what she had just said, but all she wanted now was to fall asleep and escape from dealing with her feelings.

".. Tifa."

To her surprise, Cloud pulled her back and pinned her against the wall. Of course, if Tifa wanted, she could have kicked Cloud away, but like the gang always joked, her fatal weakness would be none other than the man currently pinning her against the wall.

"Tifa, listen."

"Please Cloud, just.. don't say anything, all right?" She couldn't take it anymore. She was already broken, and very close to shattering.

"Tifa. Look. Look at me."

She looked into his eyes just as he had commanded, and what she saw inside warmed her.

"Tifa, Aerith could never compare to you. Yes, I loved her, but it's a different kind of love as the one I feel towards you. I loved her like an older sister, or even a mother. At that time, I was confused between the two.. but now I know. I'm not going to leave you anymore. I'm sorry.. and I know I can never atone for the hurt I've caused you. I understand if you don't love me anymore, but.. I love you, Tifa Lockhart. I love you like I love no other. That's.. all I wanted to say."

Tifa was stunned. Was this.. a dream? It was too good to be true, wasn't it? But how could it be a dream when she felt his breath on her face, and his hands on her shoulders, pinning her to the wall? It couldn't be anything but real.

"I love you too, Cloud Strife. I love you so much that it hurts sometimes, but now.. it's the one thing that makes me feel safe."

After that, all she could feel was his lips on hers, and the feeling that she was on the top of the world.

* * *

Welp, that's it! It's my first time writing Cloud/Tifa, so please review? Thanks!


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